Dear National City Bank,

How stupid is your marketing department?
I leave town for 9 days and what did I find in the stack of mail upon my return?
1) A Visa “CheckCard” I never asked for, but is just sitting in an envelope any moron can feel has a card enclosed. It’s just there waiting to be “instantly activated.”
2) A letter containing my PIN number. The one that’s supposed to be a freakin’ secret.
Had anyone other than my trustworthy neighbor collected my mail, they could’ve taken #1 and #2 and cleaned out my bank account along with trashing my credit rating.
So fine. Whatever. I threw ’em away. But today, I got:
3) An DM invitation to subscribe to a $9 per month “Identity Protect” service that would supposedly protect me against identity theft and credit fraud.
Well, guess what. It’s fuckers like you, National City Bank, that are the problem in the first place by sending Direct Mail shit that can cause identity theft.
Your Campbell-Ewald-created ads use The Pretenders’ “Brass In Pocket” to build your brand. Well, guess what, I’m feeling pretty fucking far from “special” today.
And since my e-mail requesting no more solicitations came back with a “please call our customer service” non-answer, I’m using this blog to register my displeasure. This is why banks suck. And bank advertising sucks even worse.
Until Direct Mail and Direct Marketing people get their act together, the ad industry will never get any respect, no matter how many icons parade through Times Square.
[UPDATE] A very pleasant customer service rep told me: “We sent a mass mailing out to all our valued customers…” If some nimrod had gotten a hold of my card and raped my bank account, I wouldn’t be a valued customer to them for long.

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About Dan Goldgeier

Dan Goldgeier is a Seattle-based freelance copywriter with experience at advertising agencies across the U.S. He is a graduate of the Creative Circus ad school, and currently teaches at Seattle's School of Visual Concepts. Dan is also a columnist for TalentZoo.com and the author of View From The Cheap Seats and Killer Executions and Scrubbed Decks.