The Debut Of Freaky Fritos

With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching “truly ridiculous proportions,” Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.
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“Here,” said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company’s new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. “Here’s some shit that’s made from beets. I hope you’re all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a ‘beet’ is.”
Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lisa Greeley, who said that the company made a commitment in 2004 to develop a healthier line of snacks but “never thought it would actually come to this,” described the Flat Earth brand as “tailor-made for the small, vocal minority of health-conscious consumers who apparently can’t just be content with salads, bananas, apples, or any of the literally thousands of fruits and vegetables already widely available.”
[via The Onion]

About David Burn

I wrote my first ad for a political candidate when I was 17 years old. She won her race and I felt the seductive power of advertising for the first time. Today—after working for seven agencies in five states—I am now head of brand strategy and creative direction at Bonehook in Portland, Oregon.