This Journalist Knows How To Tell A Story

Of The Patriot-News
Hot on the trail of kidnapped Krispy Kremes, Swatara Twp. police were in pursuit yesterday of a crook who — very unwisely, some would say — stole a doughnut delivery truck.
Police found the truck abandoned in downtown Harrisburg, but they hadn’t tracked down the perp who pilfered the pastries.
“I was about to say it’s a priority case, but I won’t say that,” Swatara Twp. Sgt. Robert Simmonds said.
It was 12:45 a.m. when Krispy Kreme deliveryman Tim Trostle stopped at the Turkey Hill Minit Market at 63rd and Derry streets.
He said he left the truck running during the delivery. In a flash, it was gone.
The back doors of the truck had been left open, and the direction of the thief’s flight was no mystery. The doughnuts pointed the way.
“The report doesn’t get into the head count of the doughnut population,” Simmonds said. “You’d be safe to say there was a trail of doughnuts westbound on Derry Street.”
The doughnut trail grew stale in Swatara Twp., but Susquehanna Twp. police found another doughnut cart on Walnut Street near the Harrisburg city line.
City police spotted the truck near a bar in the 200 block of North Street.
The thief didn’t appear to have been interested in the cargo, so police suspect the motive for the theft was transportation, not appetite.
“It has a happy ending,” Simmonds joked. “The evidence was brought back to the police station, and the cops are eating the doughnuts.”
Acknowledging that he had indeed seen Krispy Kremes in a station conference room, Simmonds surmised, “I suspect that the manager from the Krispy Kreme might have given us a little thank you for our efforts.”
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  1. Anybody that steals a Krispy Kreme truck and doesn’t eat the donuts is certifiably insane, and should not be convicted.