P&G Is Not Affiliated With Satan

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Anyone who owns P&G stock knows that the company would never split profits with anyone, least of all Satan. But for those who still entertain doubts, be advised: P&G just won $19.25 million in a decade-long civil suit against four former Amway distributors accused of spreading rumors that the company was affiliated with the Church of Satan. The rumor was basically this: P&G’s CEO “came out of the closet” on the Phil Donahue show, and admitted that his company donated a substantial amount of its profits to the Church of Satan. Of course, no P&G CEO has ever appeared on Donahue. And even if one did, Satan wouldn’t come up in conversation. Everyone knows P&G employees are bound by blood to eternal silence. Duh.
The International Herald Tribune reports:

The U.S. District Court jury in Salt Lake City on Friday found in favor of the Cincinnati-based consumer products company in a lawsuit filed by P&G in 1995. It was one of several the company brought over rumors alleging a link with the company’s logo and Satanism.
Rumors had begun circulating as early as 1981 that the company’s logo — a bearded, crescent man-in-moon looking over a field of 13 stars — was a symbol of Satanism.
The company alleged that Amway Corp. distributors revived those rumors in 1995, using a voice mail system to tell thousands of customers that part of Procter & Gamble profits went to satanic cults.