Mute Buttons Collar The Truth

Joe The Peacock is funny. And when someone funny is forced to endure mindless babble on a conference call, they tend to a) pass out, or b) make a note of it. Joe The Peacock made note of it. Here are some of the things he thought, but could not say (without the invention of a mute button) on a recent call.

  • God, I wish I’d been paying attention in college when they went over the definition of “synergistic” in English and “how to leverage it” in Business… Oh yeah, I didn’t go to college. That’s probably why I use regular words and thoughts to describe how I want to create a product and then make money on it. And why I know you can’t “leverage” anything, given that it’s a noun.
  • IF YOU SAY “Drink the Kool-Aid” ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME, I’M GOING TO BURST THROUGH THE WALL AT YOUR OFFICE, KILL YOU IN A VERY UNSIGHTLY AND BLOODY WAY, AND THEN SCREAM “Oh, YEAH!”
  • Facebook isn’t the internet, dipshit.
  • Wait… First you wanted to clone Digg… Then you wanted to “add the social aspects of Facebook to it,” and NOW you want it to be Wikipedia? Where the HELL did you spend your morning? In the “Web 2.0 Company Names to Memorize” symposium sponsored by the local Linux Enthusiasts club?
About David Burn

Co-founder and editor of AdPulp. I wrote my first ad for a political candidate when I was 17 years old. She won her race and I felt the seductive power of advertising for the first time. I worked for seven agencies in five states before launching my own practice in 2009. Today, I am head of brand strategy and creative at Bonehook in Portland, Oregon.