Monetize Me!

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People are thinking a lot about how to monetize “new” media, such as podcasts and blogs. Well, prepare for a game-changing bomb drop right here on AdPulp. What I’m talking about is monetizing old media; namely, me.
Case Study: Gavin
Gavin is a 14-year-old developmentally disabled boy who lives in my neighborhood. For a few bucks, he’ll cut my grass, take out the trash, etc. I’m one of Gavin’s biggest customers. As a result, we’ve become friends. Good friends, in fact, because I’m one of the only people who treat Gavin like “one of the guys.” He loves dirty jokes (or, as he says, “dirty yokes”). So he’s always pestering me for yokes, and I’m happy to deliver. After all, it’s every teenager’s right to be corrupted.
Well, yesterday, Gavin became a customer of mine. From now on, he has to watch a 15-second spot before he can get a yoke. For example, this morning he watched this beautiful Nike ad on my iPod in exchange for a particularly rude yoke about a woman who loves horses.
At the end of the month, my Nike rep—a totally cool woman named Jenni, who totally “gets it”—will send me a check based on the number of impressions I’ve delivered.
Next Steps
I’m considering monetizing my relationships with other people who love my content.
My Mom is a very alert, reasonably affluent 74-year-old consumer. And whoever wants to talk to her—P&G, AARP, Kleenex—comes through me.
My niece—OMG, my niece!!—is 13 years old! And a slice of her elusive attention will cost you. But it will be worth it. So here’s my unique value proposition to Noxzema, Tampax, MTV: my niece doesn’t watch TV; she’s not even online that much. But she loves my yokes. And she can learn to love you, too.
For information on how your brand can win the hearts and minds of my friends and family, contact AdPulp, home of the newest old media—ME!

  • http://adpulp.com David Burn

    Damn, you are the best writer in Cinci.
    Any more posts like this and Nick Denton’s gonna be on your trail.

  • http://www.xanga.com/effyourself eff

    OMG! You’re from cinci! Me too!!
    And I’m like totally into ipods! What’s your favorite song? Do you IM?
    Holla back!!!